Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Me, myself and Allah

All praise is for Allah alone

Subhan'Allah, although this is only in the first week of my Iddah (waiting) period you realise that there are so many wisdom's behind something that many will feel is difficult.

My dear and beautiful Husband returned to Allah just a week ago Subhan'Allah.
May Allah forgive him any sins, widen his grave and reunite us in Jannah Firdous. Ameen

The immense feeling of pain, loneliness and vulnerability hits you at times when you least expect it.

Although I have had to be independent for many years whilst he was ill, mainly because he couldn't leave the house, I still felt a sense of vulnerability  whilst on the bus on route to visit him in hospital Subhan'Allah.

Before, just knowing he was at home was enough to keep me protected.
As we now strive on our new journey, those feelings of loneliness will remain with us for a long time.

When you are married or have family/children around you all the time, you never really learn much about your own self.
We don't often give ourselves time to really reflect, do something just for ourselves.

This next stage in my life will have it's ups and downs but I know that Allah only wants what is best for us. As long as we are patient then our reward lies with Him.

I'm sure there will be many moments on the bus, at the shop where we will see his favorite food, his favorite shop etc, and I expect it to bring tears to my eyes 
The pain is real and will always be there but, as they say, it will get easier in time.
Subhan'Allah, it's all part of our journey back to Him so we need to reflect and be patient.

29 years ago I first met my dear Husband Alhamdulillah.Totally unaware at the time of anything to do with 'God' as it were. I am truly grateful to Allah for guiding me 20 years ago. His perfect deen is a blessing and a gift to us all. My DH taught me many good things and shared a wealth of stories throughout our time together Subhan'Allah.

When you are together for so long you just become a part of each other and this will take a long time to get used to.

All the memories in the house, the shoes, clothes, spices in the cupboard. But, all this can be given as sadaqa to those who need it bi ihdnIllah, which will make it that bit easier.

Now it is just myself here at the moment, the children are out, the house is deadly quiet but I am trying slowly, slowly to build up a routine of things to do that will be of benefit to myself. No one else, just me.

Not to be selfish but to really learn about me as a person. How other people perceive you is a different matter all together.

How important is my salah, how much Quran do I really read each day.(If any)
One of the blessings to come from this period is that now I have no excuse. I can't complain that I am too busy doing something for the family.
Our children are grown and although they will still need me as a Mother, they are also busy doing things for themselves and others.

The important thing is, is not to let the shaytaan convince you that having to stay home for 4 months and 10 days is hard.
He will try and wisper that how can you want to be home all day.
Well yes I do. I am extremely sad to lose my Husband after so long together but then again, if I strive to do my best to please Allah then we can be reunited in Jannah Firdous bi ihdnIllah. That is our ultimate goal.

Imagine for a man to lose his wife, he still has to get up and go back to work almost immediately . Still has to provide for the family etc. As a woman, Allah has again given us this blessing Subhan'Allah. 

I am not expecting to learn and implement everything in a matter of days or maybe even weeks, and no one should expect too much of you too but, I will still try my best to spend this time in a way that makes me feel comfortable with myself.

There is still a lot of good you can do for your loved one too

We all know that this life is a temporary abode. The silence in my home can be turned around into something positive.
I am actually enjoying my own company but that doesn't mean that I don't miss all the hussle and bussle before but I can't change that now so we just have to make the best we can from our current situation.

Silence is not such a bad thing. When you sit in isolation, it gives you time to reflect on the days events.
A time we can use to make changes to things that we may have done without giving it a second thought. 
Were our intentions correct, did we really benefit from our day?

Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or else keep silent …” 

I suppose in many ways I have always been a loner. Not from having many friends as Allah has truly blessed me with many dear sisters who have been amazingly kind in many ways but, even in my days of ignorance I was always a quiet person Subhan'Allah.
I enjoy my own company and that of my children/grandchild Alhamdulillah.

Another great blessing is the approach of Ramadhan and what lies ahead bi ihdnIllah.
Sometimes we fail to plan for such an amazing part of our lives where there lies many, many opportunities to change ourselves, reflect on the many treasures that lie within and exit it newly refreshed bi ihdnIllah

Below are a couple of beautiful reminders about how we should always be grateful to Allah for everything that He gives and also what He takes.

As hard as it may be when we lose a loved one, only Allah knows the wisdom behind all matters. It's how we react to those tests that determine if we are truly patient and content with Allah's decree.

May we all be of those whom Allah is pleased with, may He keep us all steadfast, keep us patient with His plans and reunite us all in Jannah Firdous. Ameen 

Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example to follow for him who hopes in (the meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much. 33:21

"Had Allaah lifted the veil for His slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allaah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self,his heart would have melted out of the love for Allaah and would have been torn to peices out of thankfulness to Allaah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you, do not greive. For it may be that Allaah wishes to hear your voice by way of du'aa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it, and know, that verily Allaah does not forget it."
~Ibn Al-Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah

Who de we really need but Allah first and foremost, and the example of our beloved Prophet Mohammad (salalahu Alayhi wa Salam)

Just a small reminder of one of the many bidahs that certain cultures practice after the death of a loved one or friend etc

As much as losing a loved one is a very emotional time, we have to set aside these emotions enough so that we do not fall into error Subhan'Allah.

Fi amanIllah

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